One year ago today, I left my house with my stomach in a knot. This guy I met online wanted to meet me after only two weeks. The only person I had actually met from my online acquaintances had to wait six months until we met in person, and yet, not knowing why, I accepted to meet him. Not only did I accept to meet him, but got in his car.
I was supposedly going to take him to a bar near my house but when we got there the place was closed. Then, he asked me: "Do you trust me?" The short answer is obviously NOT but since he didn't look like Jack the Ripper I said yes. And so, he put the car in gear and headed out on the highway. We were about 50 km outside Madrid when we pulled onto a dirt road. It was past midnight.
Of course I had taken precautions (what can I say, the lawyer in me). I had asked for his driver's license number, date of birth, complete name, brand and model of his car, license plates, phone number and workplace. I texted all the information to a friend and asked her to call me after two hours to see if everything was all right.
When I remember that "date" I laugh but I was scared shitless as we left the main road, got onto a dirt one without any street lights and headed out to a field in the middle of nowhere. I was convinced that he either raped and killed me or it was going to be the most romantic date of my life. Fortunately for me, it turned out to be the latter and when we got out of the car and looked up I have never seen so many stars in my life.
I'm still unable to describe that relationship. Sure, we knew each other's basic facts: age, place and date of birth, workplace, family members, friends...and yet, conversation always seemed to be trivial, small talk. That being said, the relationship wasn't based on lust either. Sure, the physical part was great, but there was always something else behind it. I still don't know what it was and fail to logically understand how two people that barely talk can have such an intimate connection. It was that factor that made us melt when we looked into each other's eyes (ok, cheeseball, sue me) and I've never been able to put my finger on it.
We broke up exactly three months later, when I decided that sharing him with his girlfriend wasn't what I wanted. Still, even though I knew I didn't want to be the mystery mistress, I couldn't stop thinking about him and we actually ended on pretty good terms. We saw each other once after that, I again decided that it wasn't what I wanted (that time it would've involved sharing him with his girlfriend and another guy) and we parted ways.
Again, that mysterious factor comes into play. If you look at the situation as an outsider, or simply objectively, you could perfectly say that it was plain sex with an unashamedly unfaithful guy who didn't even know what he wanted. And yet, I can't bring myself to do that. I know, don't ask me how, that it wasn't only sex, and I still believe that under a different set of circumstances things could've worked out.
Anyway, all this to say that I was secretly hoping to see him again on the anniversary of our first date. I'm not even sure he's in town, or available, but even so I still hoped and believed it might just happen...it didn't. It's funny, though, how that "fuzz factor" can make even the most cynical person have, for a moment, blind faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment